


The one about his mental health

by Gee_is_Loveless, ladyYellow



Series: Issues [22]
Category: EXO (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Gen, M/M, Military Training, Psychological Torture, The other members just appear briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 04:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15922868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gee_is_Loveless/pseuds/Gee_is_Loveless, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyYellow/pseuds/ladyYellow
Summary: When Jeongguk was in the army, he was bullied because of what happened to Yoongi.Just so you know, Yoongi was in a living hell.But why?Part 2/2





	The one about his mental health

**Author's Note:**

> We have implied in other chapters how Suga struggled with his military service.  
> Ok- hear me out.  
> This is a pure invention and we don't expect this to happen. We tried to keep it realistic ~~kind of~~ , but we know close to anything related to the army, since how it works in our country is completely different. We have read and heard about really twisted stories of how there are some guys who **actually** died because how bad the bully is in there.  
>  The evil master mind here is **Gee_is_Loveless** , so- all the credits for the psychologic torture are for her.  
>   
> I'm recently obsessed with EXO, so I ~~may or may not~~ had influenced the EXO characters in here. _Oops?_
> 
> Ok, fine. Enjoy your reading.

My stomach is growling. It’s raining outside and the days are suddenly longer. I know because each day here is awful. The darkness is soothing. I’m almost used to the hard mattress, the softest thing here is that frayed wool blanket.

“Yoongi-ah, is tomorrow your birthday?” Kyungsoo-hyung whispers from the bed in front of mine. We aren’t supposed to talk when we’re thithink about ‘how stupid we’re being’ but it’s just the two of us, everyone else is having dinner and no one is checking on us.

“Is it tomorrow March 9th?” hyung nods “I think so, hyung. I had never cared that much about my birthday, so it’s fine-”

“It isn’t fine. Maybe I can get you some candy, do you like them?” I can help the dumb smile on my face. After all, someone here makes everything lighter. Before answering, I hear steps coming closer to the dorms.  When we’re undressing, asshole comes in the room, grinning.

“Time to sleep, princesses! If I hear any noise, I’ll understand none of you is tired and you’ll be running the whole night!” after two months, I memorised _asshole’s_ name, Kang Chunghee. Everything is dark again after that.

I feel my heart beating slowly. My stomach hurts and my head is empty now. My mind (luckily) is remembering the last christmas at home, when the seven of us were together. Jin-hyung baked cake. Jin-hyung would bake cake and then- Kookie and I would eat cake.

* * *

Hyung’s 28th birthday starts without him. The digital clock on the bedside table flashes a brightly 03:02 that doesn’t seem to change. The time is slow and I don’t want to leave my bed, but I’m not sleepy anymore and the early morning is endless. The dorm is quiet and it’s suffocating me.

I give up. I get up throwing the blankets to the floor. It’s cold enough to grab one of hyung’s hoodies before leaving the room and head to the kitchen. In my mind, there’s this idea to bake that vanilla cake Jin-hyung showed me, that according to his grandma tends to make sad hearts happy with its sweetness.

I pick the ingredients from the cupboard while my mind is thinking about Yoongi.

The last time I heard from him was two months ago. I’m worried, he promised he would call whenever he had the opportunity. Would it be that he’s not allowed to call me? Maybe he already talked with his family. I have this weird feeling in my guts because I don’t know. Did he keep his promise to behave? Is he in trouble? Is he alright?

Behind me, I hear someone in the kitchen and I turn around slowly. I look tired, I have dark circles under my eyes due to so many restless nights, wondering when is hyung going to call.

“What are you doing, Kook-ah?” Namjoon’s voice doesn’t startle me. He’s the only one awake at this hour.

“Today is March 9th” I say, as if that explained why I’m baking a cake. Hyung understands perfectly (and he may know Jin’s recipe by heart) because he’s helping me to mix the sugar with the butter as I boil the milk with the vanilla. The rest of the morning is as quiet as before, none of us says another word.

“If something had happened, we had already known, right hyung?”

“Don’t think about that, Kookie” it’s all hyung says when we put the mix in the oven.

* * *

Thinking about Kookie doesn’t avoid the surprise when someone kicks me off the bed.

“Happy birthday Min, are you ready for your party?” I hate that voice so much “Come on, the day starts early for good boys in their birthday. Get up, pansy. There is a present for you in the shower” no one heard, they’re tired (or scared) enough to not wake up. It’s not like someone would do anything for me either way.

The clock shows three in the morning. It’s my birthday and I’m wondering why today, why at this time?

“...what’s the party about, sir?” it’s cold in the deadass morning and my naked body is shivering uncomfortable as his eyes wander over it. I hate how my voice is barely a whisper.

“You’re having a birthday party, dumbass. We’re going to celebrate your pathetic being starting earlier your exercises. Go to the shower now you idiot, you have to be clean” I take a deep breath before the cold water touches my skin. It’s so cold, the sound of the drops falling is… deafening. I hate the water, I hate showering, I just want to get out of here.

I don’t feel more water and that’s my cue to leave the place, walking to _asshole_ holding a towel. When I grab it, he presses my body against a wall, caging me with his arm. I push him away, forgetting I’m not supposed to cause any trouble, i just want him to stop and leave me alone.

“I- am done. I’m not going to exercise my pathetic-self if it’s not with the others” _Asshole_ “Sir”

The only thing I hear before the pain it’s a buzzing. I’m falling to the floor, unable to move a muscle “Serves you right, fucking princess” I hear him laughing but everything ceases when he kicks me near my crotch “You’re not going to be a rebel on my watch” my skin is hot and cold at the same time, my lungs are on fire- I can’t breathe.

Everything is dark, and blissfully peaceful. Like it hasn’t been nothing but a painful dream.

_Yoongi-ah?_

A voice. Someone’s arms holding me… Everything hurts, I don’t want to feel this pain.

* * *

In the middle of March I get the call from an unknown number. I'm not waiting for hyung’s news anymore, so I pick up lazily “Hello?”

“Jeon Jeongguk, that you?” a manly familiar voice is on the other side.

“Who is this?”

“Right, sorry. This is Kim Jongin” now I can put a face to the voice.

“Hyung? Where did you get my number from?”

“Kook-ah. It doesn’t matter now. There’s something I have to tell you” I’m waiting in silence patiently for Jongin-hyung to finish “I know you know nothing about Yoongi-hyung lately, and I’m really sorry it’s me who has to tell you this-” he sighs, apparently to give himself strength and my heart races “Hyung isn’t exactly having a nice time at Gimpo-”

“But what-”

“There’s this officer who’s picking on him because he doesn’t like hyung”

“How do you know that, hyung?” he growls.

“Kyungsoo-hyung is there too. He calls me from time to time”

I don’t know when I hang up. My hands are shaking. I want to do something to help hyung. I need to get him out of there. Who knows what will happen if he stays longer.

Without thinking it, I walk to Namjoon-hyung’s studio.

“Hyung! I’m so glad you’re here! I have to ask you something”

“What is it, Kookie?”

“Can we pick up hyung from Gimpo?” Namjoon’s smile fades away.

“You know we can’t do that, Kookie. It doesn’t matter how much you miss him”

“But hyung, it isn’t-”

“Drop it, Kook-ah. I’m sure hyung is fine, and he’ll be back soon”

* * *

The helmet is heavy, surely Chunghee looked for the biggest to give it to me. I hate weapons, the rifle in my hands is heavier each second. The weather is so hot, unbearable. Is it still winter? Not even when I was a trainee my legs hurt this much...

“Min! Do won’t hold your hand when you have to run in the war! Fucking run!” the sound of the taser removes something inside me, a deep terror and a memory printed in my thigh. I’m happy I don’t know what time is it because everything is faster that way, and when I realise, the day is over.

“Min, Do. Sargent Kang wants to talk to you” someone stops us. Hyung helps me walking to the corridor where _asshole_ is waiting for us, he still has the taser in his hands.

“Did you call us, sir?” Kyungsoo-hyung asks above a whisper. I don’t look at asshole’s face, I can’t.

“I thought it was clear you shouldn’t help Min. Anyway” he saves the taser in his uniform and that relieves me somehow “You both are a pair of useless soldiers. You’re just wasting air and space. But we can’t do anything, right? Unfortunately the food we have isn’t enough, so we just have one portion of food left. What a shame, isn’t it? You’ll have to choose who will have dinner today”

“Sir- Can we share it? Yoongi-ah has been weak lately and-”

“That’s not really a bad idea, Do. But to be able to it, Min first should be at the dining hall in time for dinner, isn’t he?” he says softly, mocking hyung’s expression. I can’t cry, I shouldn’t. But there’s a knot on my throat.

“Eat hyung, I’m not hungry”

“But Yoongi-yah, you need to eat-”

“We have already heard Min. And Do. It is not necessary to remind you the only place where you can eat is the dining hall, right?” he wraps his hand around the taser and he laughs. Hyung is about to jump in him, but he knows there’s nothing much he can do “We’ll have a nuclear attack simulation. I hope you have energy for that, princesses”

Hyung helps me to come back to the dorm before he leaves for having dinner.

I don’t realise when I fall asleep. the night is awfully long, my head throbs and my stomach is a rollercoaster, and the only thing in my head is how much I want to get out of here.

* * *

Almost a month since hyung birthday. I can’t help that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I stare at his stuff in our room. I’ve tried to convince Namjoon-hyung to take me to Gimpo all this time, but he doesn’t even let explain myself, and because of that, he thinks it’s only because I’m lonely.

I’ve been in hyung’s studio for days, trying to focus on a new cover, but my mood is not the best. The last thing I want to do is a cover of Wish you were here or something like that. I bite my pen distracted before my phone rings.

“Hello?” I answer without thinking. I stopped waiting for hyung’s call.

“Jeongguk-ah” that voice.

“Jongin-hyung?” the last time hyung called, his words weren’t soothing at all “How are you? Is everything alright? Is Kyungsoo-hyung alright? Yoongi-hyung- No one wants to take me to Gimpo-” he sighs heavily again and I shut my mouth. i’m not sure what he’s going to tell me, but it mustn’t  be good.

“Jeongguk-ah, I really wish I hadn’t talk about this with you”

“Hyung? Is it about Yoongi-hyung again?” a frustrated sound, I remove uncomfortable “Is he alright?”

“Jeongguk-ah, listen. Kyungsoo-hyung is really trying to take care of him, but it’s getting out of his hands. They’re, especially Yoongi, not eating full rations of food, he’s weaker- Hyung sounds so tired, Kook-ah. Isn’t- Isn’t there anything you can do?”

“I’ll try, hyung. Thanks for telling me”

I get out of the studio, thinking in a way to tell Namjoon.-hyung. I’m so distracted I end up tripping with someone.

“Kookie! be more careful, are you alright?” Jimin-hyung gives me a hand to stand up and I get an idea right then.

“Hyung! Can you take me to Gimpo?” Jimin looks sad suddenly, and his hand almost slips from mine.

“Why do you want to go there, Kookie? You know there’s nothing-”

“But hyung- We need to bring Yoongi-hyung back-”

“Kookie, we can’t do that. Do you know what kind of troubles we’re going to get in?”

“He isn’t alright, hyung!” I raise my voice and Jimin flashes and angry look “Jongin-hyung says he’s not eating properly-”

“Did Yoongi-hyung called you asking to pick him up?”

“No, hyung. But-”

“Then there’s nothing we can do, Jeongguk-ah. He’s fine, surely”

* * *

The weather is humid and hot now. I struggle to sleep and not because of the humidity or how hot I am, I just can’t sleep. Maybe I’m hungry? It doesn’t matter. My sore body resist to rest even when I’m exhausted.

The fabric of the uniform is rough and heavy. We can’t do anything about it. There are strict rules about how we’re supposed to wear it. I just never thought that unbotting the first button of my shirt would cause this madness.

I don’t know when _asshole_ started to undress me, leaving me just in boxer with that sadistic grin. Kyungsoo-hyung looks at me, worried and I shake my head. _Don’t say anything, it’s fine._ I don’t want to get him in more troubles.

Chunghee orders me to keep doing planks. I fall to the floor starting again. “What are you staring at?! Do you want to join Min in this?!” the others resume his previous exercices.

When my body can’t keep with this, my mind sinks in a familiar darkness.

I’m being good. Then... _why?_

* * *

The summer is almost here. I’ve tried by all means that someone takes me to Gimpo and the furthest I came was sad and condescendant looks, along with absurd explanations why I can’t go there. Everyone seems to believe I’m making up all this because I miss hyung too much. Even Namjoon-hyung punished me for lying. _Jeongguk-ah. If you can’t understand lying isn’t right, then you’re not having the privilege to go out with your friends, until you understand what you’re doing wrong._ It was useless to argue, not even Taehyung could say anything to help me.

It’s getting late when a get a call I was hoping to never come again.

“Hyung?”

“Hey Jeongguk-ah” Jongin-hyung’s voice is a growl “Do you have news from Yoongi-hyung?” my heart beats faster.

“I asked the managers to take me there, I asked Jimin and Namjoon-hyung, but no one believes me. They all think I’m lying” hyung sighs at the other side of the line.

“Kook-ah, what I’m going to tell you is awful, and I really hope I won’t have to ever speak with you about this again” he breathes deeply “I know Yoongi-hyung has had depression problems, so don’t let this go further”

“Hyung? What do you mean-?”

“Jeongguk, hyung says they’ve been working out in underwear, all of them. It started with Yoongi-hyung, but now every single one of them is in a living hell. You have to get out Yoongi-hyung of there”

“How-?”

“I don’t know, Kook-ah. But please, at this pace they’re going to kill Yoongi-hyung, and Kyungsoo-hyung with him”

“I promise, hyung”

“Please. Take care of yourself and take care of hyung”

I finish my phone call when the dorm is almost sunk in darkness. What to do? My first idea is to ask Hoseok-hyung, who’s at the kitchen with Tae right now.

“Hyung-”

“No, Jeonggukie” Hoseok answers immediately, even when I haven’t asked anything. I’m almost crying. Please, someone take me to Gimpo.

“Hyung, please…” I look at Taehyung this time, and he looks at Hoseok trying to convince him, but hyung shakes his head and Tae looks down. “Please, hyung is-”

“Kook-ah, I thought Namjoon was clear enough. Lying is wrong, it doesn’t matter why are you lying”

“I’m not lying, hyung!”

“Enough!” I look at Hobi scared, he rarely raises his voice to lecture us “We can’t go Gimpo to pick up Yoongi-hyung, you know our laws. Go to your room before I tell Namjoon and he keeps your phone”

When I leave the kitchen, I can’t stop my tears. It’s enough. if no one is taking me to Gimpo, I’ll drive there myself.

I wait for everyone to be asleep and then I wait a little longer. I slip into Namjoon’s room to grab Jin-hyung’s van keys. I know hyung wouldn’t mind if i borrowed it to pick up Yoongi-hyung. I’m sure Jin wouldn’t think I’m lying, and this nightmare would had already end.

Phone, driver’s license, money, keys. A coat. Everything ready.

I leave the dorm in silence and when I close the door, I stare at it slightly angry.

“If hyung is hurt when I get there…” I mumble before I get in the van. I start the engine. I didn’t bother in leave a not. “Let them look for me. Let’s see if I answer them”

* * *

I’m here again, the light is good. I don’t mind the dark place because is familiar, but it’s cold. And I prefer the sun warming up my numb hands. My eyes sting and my mouth is dry. I get up from the bed slowly. I try not to stumble when I walk to the bathroom of the nursing.

I don’t recognise myself in the mirror, I look tired and sad. That’s not me. Mmh, I have to get a haircut soon. I try to smile, is my smile still there? I wish I could smile, I may be only able to smile when I see Jeongguk again. That grin isn’t a smile at all. I sigh, I just have to wait until this is over.

I clean my face with cold water. My sleeves are wet now. “Ah, fuck-” I roll them up, and my hands are shaking. I’m not cold, it’s just “Where-?” I’m getting anxious as I start to look for the bracelet Kookie gave me. I tear the blanket sheets away to seek it, I undress myself trying to find it, but there’s nothing.

I’m yelling to a nurse who is trying to calm me down.

“Give it to me! Where’s the bracelet Kookie gave me?!” more people is coming into the nursing. _You didn’t have anything when you arrived._ A memory flashes in my mind. _Asshole_ rip it when he undressed me! He took him away from me! How am I supposed to bear this now?

I hide in the room again, in my mind there’s only one thought: to destroy everything I hate.

* * *

I had never driven alone, and I had never driven this fast. I’m so stressed I don’t even remember to turn on the music or something and my trip is quiet, except from the purring of the engine. Seoul is fading away behind me and I just focus on following the GPS instructions. _In 800 meters, turn left._

The ride lasts about three hours. After that time, I’m still following the GPS to arrive to the military base and park near the entrance, where the soldiers stop me, using their flashlights to point at my face. I open the window, as they ask.

“This is restricted for civilians, identify yourself!”

“My name is Jeon Jeongguk, I need-”

“Jeongguk, I’m afraid we’re asking you to leave this place. Don’t get yourself in troubles, boy”

“But hyung is-” I can’t finish because another soldier is calling them.

“Call the hospital already! We are having issues here! Min is out of control!” everything is happening in slow motion. One of the soldiers leaves to call the hospital, as the other looks at me speechless. I hold my breath. And that feeling in my gut it’s becoming true. I can hear hyung screaming ‘Where’s Kookie?!’ I get out of the car before I scream too “Hyung?! Hyung! I’m here!” the soldier look at me surprised “Please, I came for him. Someone told me he wasn’t right. Yoongi-hyung has had some issues in the past and they’ve hurt him. Please, let me in” I beg the soldier almost crying, he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do.

“Kookie! Kookie!” he reacts to my anxiety.

“Boy, we don’t know if he’s dangerous-”

“I know what to do, please let me in” at the end, the officer drags me inside and the soldier pushes me to the nursing.

A whole bunch of people is there, staring scared. They’re surely wondering who I am and why I’m not in uniform but I don’t care. A nurse points at the bathroom’s door where hyung’s in, he’s still screaming incoherently. I look at them, waiting for a key that doesn’t arrive. “What the fuck?”

I crash my shoulder against the door, but it isn’t open yet. A soldier helps me to kick the door. After a few tries, we get it. Everything is quiet now, except for hyung’s sobbing. The bathroom is a mess. The mirror and the toilet are broken, there’s this huge pool of water on the floor, and hyung’s hands are covered in blood.

“He needs to calm down” the nurse whispers in my ear.

“I’ll try” I whisper too. Hyung curls even more when I get closer, he’s shivering “Hyung?”

“Get away from me!”

“Hyung, please. I’m Kookie, I came for you”

“Don’t you dare to lie to me! Jeongguk is in Seoul! I don’t believe you!” I sigh as I kneel in front of him and I try to stroke his cheek but he pushes my hand hard.

“I’m here hyung” I push him against the wall “Calm down” Yoongi bites my hand to free himself. I try to make him stop but I can’t, he’s so out of himself. I sigh annoyed. There’s no other way to bring him back to himself, so I push him harder against the wall, and that numbs him enough for the doctor to inject him a sedative. Hyung struggles for some minutes until the sedative works.

I carry him bridal style out of the bathroom. The ambulance is waiting for us. I don’t want anyone touching him and they don’t even to bring a gurney. I stare at them angry. Outside the nursing, I see Kyungsoo-hyung looking relieved. I nod to him and then I smile hesitantly. _Thanks hyung._ He glares at one of the officers, his expression morphs into anger. _It’s him_ and I look at him too. That asshole is about to pass out when I give him a cold glance.

“Fuck you” I mouth just for him. Then I get in the ambulance. “Let’s first take care of you, hyung” then we can sue him.

**Author's Note:**

>  _Gee was supposed to give the final notes. She's so busy crying in the corner because how bad she feels of what we did. Umm, so... sorry? Yup, we're sorry. But you already know it got better, right? Don't forget to let us know your thoughts of it_  
> 
> Did you like it? We really hope so~  
> Read you soon ♥


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